I miss my mom. A whole lot. Every day, every second, is hard. So many things remind me of her and a memory we created, and I love them. But it's also hard going about my life and then randomly thinking about how a certain place or object reminds me of my mother. I just don't understand exactly how I am supposed to move on. Do I keep pictures around that make me sad? Do I just hide everything that had to do with her so I think about it as little as possible? I am so lost. I don't know what to do.
I can confidently say my mom was my best friend. As weird as that sounds, I told her everything. And she told me a lot too. We loved hanging out, playing games and taking joy rides in the car with the windows down and music up - just for fun. I spent time with her every day, and we understood each other.
Now, she's gone. Thankfully I'll see her again one day. I think the fact that it was so sudden is the worst. No one had the chance to say goodbye. No one knew it happened until days after. She was alone. She left to soon. And I know she wouldn't have wanted that. I mean seriously my brother is only 13 years old, she wouldn't have wanted to leave him like that, so early. I just think its unfair.
Then I realize, it doesn't matter what I think. Worse things have happened, and no matter how bad it seems, it's all fair. Nothing happens that God doesn't know about. It's all for a plan, a purpose. And these human vessels we consume right now are such a tiny part to His glorious plan. We are made for so much more, and as sad as it makes me, my mom is in a better place. She doesn't have to worry about the struggles of this life anymore. She is in no more pain or sadness. She's healthy.
I don't really know where I'm going with this, but tonight like many other nights, I'm just missing that mothers hug, or goodnight kiss, or a tuck in bed (okay those stopped awhile ago but still...).
I'm scared. Not for me. But my family. My little brother and sister. I am trying to trust God as much as I can. I know he is in control and is protecting my siblings far better than my mom or any other person ever could. It's just hard. And I am praying every day for them, and her friends. I'm sure it's hard on them too... I can't even imagine.
Dang it. I hate hate hate crying. Guess that's my cue to stop. I pray that God is glorified through everything that has happened. I don't want to let this opportunity go to waste. I don't know why this happened yet, but God is leading the way and I can't wait to see where this path in life leads us.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Religion, faith, tolerance, what?
This life is hard. Having faith in God is hard. But it's worth it.
Yes sometimes I do have doubts, and those darn "what ifs" always pop up. Like "what if someone did actually make up a story and call it the Bible?" "what if there isn't a heaven after this world?" It's hard, not knowing the past (from being an eyewitness) and not knowing the future, it can be really scary. All I know is that I have this one life to live, one life to make a difference, spread love. And even though there are lots of questions when it comes to following Christ and believing his word, I do. I do believe he is sovereign, and that he created this world, and that he has a purpose for us all. The more I read the Bible and the more I learn about him, the more everything seems to make sense.
It can be hard explaining it to people, they don't like to hear it and probably will ignore it at first. But God has chosen his followers. If people are meant to believe, they will. Our job is to trust God and tell others about his Glory.
There are a ton of religions out there, and some of them seem to make sense at first, but I believe that God created the earth, and sent his son to die for us and we should live for him.
It makes me so sad when people start bashing and judging each other based on what they believe. NO, I don't think all religions are right. If you don't ask Jesus to save you, come into your heart and if you don't accept that you are a sinner in need of a savior, I believe you will not get into Heaven. Being "tolerant" shouldn't be accepting everything, because not everything is right.
If someone kills someone else, should we just look past it because killing that person is what the killer thought was right, and it's what he wanted to do? No.
If someone has an abortion, should we support them because they don't think it's murder? No.
If someone is gay, should we tell them to get married and continually commit those lustful sins just because we don't want to hurt their feelings?
NO. I don't believe that. Being tolerant basically means you believe in everything, which is sort of like believing in nothing. Take a stand. If someone is sinning, don't look past it. You know it's a sin, and you shouldn't praise someone for that.
BUT you shouldn't tear them down so much either. God is the only person worthy of judging. That is not our place. We are called to love one another as God loves us. And guess how God loves us? Unconditionally. We are to love others no matter what. Whether they've made mistakes, or continue making them. We can still love people and tell them that what they're doing is wrong. If someone was about to step into a trap, wouldn't you tell them because you love them? That is what I see being a Christian as. We shouldn't judge people with a "holier than thou" attitude. We should tell them the danger of living in sin, and what life is like with Christ.
This has basically been a really long, scattered thought of mine. And I probably made some errors because it's late and I don't proof read my blog posts. But I hope people get the drift.
I am basically saying, as a Christian, we are supposed to love people, and yes be "tolerant", but not take that too far. Because if we just lay back and let people continue on with their life, no matter how sinful it is, what kind of love is that? WE HAVE THE ANSWER TO EVERLASTING LIFE! It's a BIG deal. Not everyone will accept it, but we gotta try.
Yes sometimes I do have doubts, and those darn "what ifs" always pop up. Like "what if someone did actually make up a story and call it the Bible?" "what if there isn't a heaven after this world?" It's hard, not knowing the past (from being an eyewitness) and not knowing the future, it can be really scary. All I know is that I have this one life to live, one life to make a difference, spread love. And even though there are lots of questions when it comes to following Christ and believing his word, I do. I do believe he is sovereign, and that he created this world, and that he has a purpose for us all. The more I read the Bible and the more I learn about him, the more everything seems to make sense.
It can be hard explaining it to people, they don't like to hear it and probably will ignore it at first. But God has chosen his followers. If people are meant to believe, they will. Our job is to trust God and tell others about his Glory.
There are a ton of religions out there, and some of them seem to make sense at first, but I believe that God created the earth, and sent his son to die for us and we should live for him.
It makes me so sad when people start bashing and judging each other based on what they believe. NO, I don't think all religions are right. If you don't ask Jesus to save you, come into your heart and if you don't accept that you are a sinner in need of a savior, I believe you will not get into Heaven. Being "tolerant" shouldn't be accepting everything, because not everything is right.
If someone kills someone else, should we just look past it because killing that person is what the killer thought was right, and it's what he wanted to do? No.
If someone has an abortion, should we support them because they don't think it's murder? No.
If someone is gay, should we tell them to get married and continually commit those lustful sins just because we don't want to hurt their feelings?
NO. I don't believe that. Being tolerant basically means you believe in everything, which is sort of like believing in nothing. Take a stand. If someone is sinning, don't look past it. You know it's a sin, and you shouldn't praise someone for that.
BUT you shouldn't tear them down so much either. God is the only person worthy of judging. That is not our place. We are called to love one another as God loves us. And guess how God loves us? Unconditionally. We are to love others no matter what. Whether they've made mistakes, or continue making them. We can still love people and tell them that what they're doing is wrong. If someone was about to step into a trap, wouldn't you tell them because you love them? That is what I see being a Christian as. We shouldn't judge people with a "holier than thou" attitude. We should tell them the danger of living in sin, and what life is like with Christ.
This has basically been a really long, scattered thought of mine. And I probably made some errors because it's late and I don't proof read my blog posts. But I hope people get the drift.
I am basically saying, as a Christian, we are supposed to love people, and yes be "tolerant", but not take that too far. Because if we just lay back and let people continue on with their life, no matter how sinful it is, what kind of love is that? WE HAVE THE ANSWER TO EVERLASTING LIFE! It's a BIG deal. Not everyone will accept it, but we gotta try.
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