Fall Plans

Summer has begun! It's going to be a great few months. But I have a ton of decisions to make for the fall!

First, I have to decide about school. I definitely want to go. I have 75% bright futures to help out with the costs and I am going to FSCJ (Florida's sucky crap jail haha) so it will b

e cheaper than other alternatives and it is close to home, so I can stay in town and work and go to the beach all the time (: But I still have to decide which classes to take and how many I want to and what a good schedule would be.

This also depends on where I am living. I would really REALLY Love to move to Country Club lakes (picture below) with my cousin, Sarah. She wants to move down here from Kentucky and that would be amazing and I would have so much freedom and it would b

e a great time, but I would also have a ton of bills and responsibilities. I don't know if I would be able to make enough money to pay for the rent, gas, groceries, insurance, phone, and anything else that I would have to pay for, which sucks. And if I couldn't get enough hours then I would need to find a better job and I don't want to leave CFA, but if I have to I might.

But, that also depends on how much I want to work, which depends on how many classes I am taking and when, which depends on EVERYTHING! Haha, it's a lot to think about and to decide, and in a very short time.

Pros to moving out:

• Freedom (the biggest thing. Includes staying up however late I want, going wherever I want, not having to ask or have a curfew. Not that I would do anything crazy and stupid but, it would be nice)
• Live with my cousin
• Live near beach and work and in a cute apartment
• Have a really good time and school year
• Everything good will happen!!!!!
• Not living at home, yay!

Cons to moving out:

• Cost a lot of money
• Be tired and busy all the time
• Risky (vague but, it is)
• I'm only 18, young? yes, I don't wanna grow up too fast, idk.

So it would be really cool to move out, but also probably stressful all the time! I am excited, and have the best friends and family who give the best advice and I am going to pray and hopefully God will show me which doors he has opened for me and which ones he has closed. I truly want to follow his path for my life, and don't want to get to wrapped up in having "freedom" that I miss it. If He wants me to stay at home for some reason, I will. I know that I would love to move out if everything works, but I don't want to focus all my time and energy on doing that if it's not what He wants. Ahh, life is confusing haha. Sometimes I wish I knew exactly what God was thinking and what He wants for me right now but I know I can't, and I won't, so

I just have to trust.

Pray pray pray and listen listen listen is what I am going to do!

Country Club Lakes Apartments, aren't they cute? It really is a cool place, the best one we have looked at so far.

April Showers Bring May Flowers!

It's already May! I can't believe it. Seriously, I can't.

It's going to be the best month ever, for several reasons.

1. School ends.

2. Surprise! Summer starts (:

3. My best friend comes home! for...

4. ... our high school graduation! Holla.

5. Orlando with Alexis!! Getting senior pictures done :)

That is just five out of a ton of reasons (okay I really can't think of any more but I am sure there are!) that prove that May is the bomb!

So many things have happened recently.

Like, I talked about Justin Bieber for 10 minutes in class (was a speech)...that was fun and amazing basically even though I hate talking. Ew. Also I turned 18!!! Now I can do...everything that I have no desire to do! Woot woot. But it is nice being able to work whatever I want and all. Now I am going to work over the summer a toooonn and hopefully buy a car!

Also, some of us girls at R.O.C.K have started leading small groups and it's been really cool. Well, okay, let me back up. It is a great idea, I love it and at first everything was amazing (and still is...just wait for the story). And I love Shelly who is my partner and I love our girls and I am so glad I can be there for them and to help them. But lately I've been thinking about how I feel like I don't even know anything. Lol (just had to add that).

But really, the girls in our group probably know sooo much more than me, about life and God and the Bible and sometimes I think it's unfair that I am supposedly their leader when they are leading me. It's my fault really. Over the past few years I haven't been spending time with God and reading his Word like I should be. I always tell myself I'm too busy and whatnot when really I am too lazy and just stupid haha!

But I don't want to just say "oh well" and continue on with my life. I am starting to think that this is a good thing! These girls will encourage me to read His Word because I want to be able to really lead them and know how to answer their questions and the only way that will happen is if I know the Bible. So yeah. Basically I want to take this as an opportunity to really get my act together! To start living for Christ, walking the walk and not just talking the talk!

I know I know. This is a blog at 2am and it's really easy to type a ton of words. Well, I am serious. I don't want to keep putting other things before my Saviour. He deserves everything and who am I to hold it back? Ugh. Okay this is going to be hard. But with so many big decisions before me I definitely don't want to go head first alone! In fact I don't want to be deciding anything I want God to and how is that gonna happen if I'm not listening? Duh.
And I'm talking to myself, great haha.

I just like to avoid school and blog at late hours when I have nothing else to do, that is all.

To be honest...

...I super miss mis hermanas (my sisters hehe) Amy and Hannah.

I've really been trying to trust God, I know that He is in total control, and this is His plan, not theirs or ours. That is truly comforting because God is perfect, His plans are perfect and if anyone had to choose what we do with our lives I'm definitely glad it is Him.

But sometimes it just sucks. Just thinking about how they are up there and how they are not just on vacation, that they won't be back in a few days is scary.

Hannah is basically the bestest friend ever. We met in like 9th grade at the horrible PEP and soon realized that we both hate school, both love boys (just kidding...teeheehee) both loved passing notes in class teeheehee (just sometimes, okay). So by 10th grade we were good friends and then 11th grade definitely bffls. We had like almost every class together, I saw her at least four days a week and then we both got jobs around the same time and we both encouraged each other in our walk with Jesus. I LOVE how we talk about Him. I mean I may not be the best encouraging friend but Hannah for sure is and she has really encouraged me in that area of my life. Especially since we made that deal or whatever where we have to tell each other EVERYTHING haha. Like EVERYTHING leaving nothing out. That usually helps in strengthening friendships.

Then one day as we were at pep just hanging out getting in trouble probably lol she told me the AWFUL news that she was leaving. My heart broke basically haha. It sucked. But the good thing was that she had thought they were leaving before senior year of school even started, but thankfully the waited and I got to spend that first and half of the second semester with her in a couple of my classes.

I've met some really great people through her, like REALLY great. Like I couldn't even live without them.

Basically, I am just rambling and I really miss her but her amazing sister Abby (them Bourques are just awesome) asked if I wanted to do this book/Bible study with her and it's really going to help me see that this is the best thing for them because it is what God told them to do. And it's also going to help me with the rest of my life.

I also really miss Amy. Obviously we aren't life bffl bffls because she is the younger sister of my bffl and basically my younger sister and therefore we have a love/hate relationship..well not really hate just love relationship that you have with sisters teeheehee. But I really love Amy and she is amazing and even though she is a boy haha jk I won't go there. She is truly a beautiful loving girl, who acts all tough and it's cute :P And Amy asked and asked and begged me to come to Rock one week, the youthgroup at ECC and so I went and LOVED it. These people are some of the greatest I've ever met, and if Amy hadn't been so in love with God and them then I probably would have never come and met them. It's been a huge blessing and it's just freaking awesome lol.

All in all, I'm sad to say goodbye. Like really sad. I don't want to go back to school and have 2-3 hours of break because usually I would hang out with her and we would talk about everything and now I am just going to be sitting in the cold death study hall by myself. Maybe I should use this time to meet new people, and strengthen my other friendships, idk. I just know that God loves us and does not give us more than we can handle with Him, and that we are all going to get through this.

The Bourques will be back in just over a month, and we will have a great week or so with them, and then summer will come and we will go to college and encourage each other from wherever we are in the world and we will see each other on breaks and stuff.

I read this verse today about the God being the vine and how we are the branches and it's just a really great verse.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

I really love this verse a lot. Like it might be one of my favorites. Without God, we are nothing. We are just sinners who have no hope. Jesus saved us though, so now we can become God's children. If we abide in Him, just like this verse says, then we will bear much fruit for His glory. Our life will have purpose and we can have peace knowing that we are doing the right thing. I am glad that Hannah and Amy moved only because they are living in God's will. If they had stayed they wouldn't have been going where God called them and that would have sucked (yeah I need to take a vocabulary class...I know lol).

This is a really long post of me just going on and on and on about how I miss them. Best friends moving away = no fun. I don't wanna finish the school year because it's gonna be really different without them here. But I can't wait to see what God does in Michigan with them and here in good ol Jacksonville with us.

Now I should probably focus on this darn school that was due forever and a day ago.